


Absent Presence

by Milliscent09



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-24 01:17:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliscent09/pseuds/Milliscent09
Summary: With everything Bellamy has gone through, the memory of her is something that keeps him going, but also tears him apart.





	Absent Presence

**Author's Note:**

> Suggested Track:
> 
> Novo Amor - Embody Me

There isn’t anything particularly interesting about the silver metal panels on the ceiling of his room, but Bellamy couldn’t stop staring. Zoning in and out all he could process was the sound of the static flow of electricity powering the station. He did this occasionally. Unless he had to be around people, he would keep to himself. It was better that way. For everyone really. Even years after arriving to the Ring, it still hits him hard. Especially on this day. 

 

Rolling over Bellamy let out a sad sigh and recapped what this day meant. Even though he truly wanted nothing to do with today, it was the only way he found that he could remember and keep himself afloat. He didn’t have the emotionally capacity or stability to relive it everyday, so he gave himself one day. One day to immerse himself in the memory of her. The way she smelled, her smile, and those gorgeous clear blue eyes. On this day, the anniversary, he would will himself to manifest her and allow a day of joyful sadness, before taking 364 days to rebuild himself again. 

 

He began to walk the halls. He couldn’t just sit in his room. He usually had a pattern. He began to walk and started out where she grew up and ended in her sky box, where she was left to die, the first time.

 

He liked being surrounded by her sketches. He would lay in the middle of the room and just be there. With her. 

 

As he closed his eyes, he could see her. He was back there, at the lab with her. Staring at her with the water and algae numbers strewn across the table. Their impossible solution to surviving the apocalypse was there before them but a heaviness weighed them down. There was a moment when their eyes met. Bellamy couldn’t take it anymore. Everything that was left unsaid, he didn’t want anything hanging in the air anymore. He walked around the table to stand right next to her feeling her body’s energy radiate through him. She was so focused, she didn’t even notice that he was right there until he reached out and put the stray hairs hanging in her eyes behind her ear. She looked up to him with everything she wanted to say on the tip of her tongue but no courage to vocalize it. 

 

Reading her mind, he bore into her soul with a look of desperation and need and in that moment they crashed together with an energetic softness that would rattle the sturdiest of buildings. He led her to Becca’s office, not relinquishing his hold on her. His hands were everywhere all at once, but the urgency wasn’t erratic. It was calculated and purposeful. They were on her face, then around her waist, fearing she might disappear and then in her hair. They always seemed to find their way to her golden strands as if they tethered him to the ground. Bellamy started to rid Clarke of her radiation suit, being mindful not to rip it right off of her. But not wanting this moment to be hastened with the clock literally ticking down to the end of the world, he wanted to take his time. Under the suit she had just jeans and a tank top. She almost looked like she had all those months ago when they first landed. Like a girl who had just fallen from the sky and the world was open to all possibilities and futures. She was radiant. 

 

His radiation suit was gone quicker than hers and they melted into the couch losing themselves in each other. It was almost as if they needed to make sure the other were actually there. They never were not touching and the emotion pouring out of them was so intoxicating. Their skin contrasted in the best way. Her delicate fair skin next to his olive toned tan sprinkled with a constellation of freckles was the most beautiful thing either one of them had ever seen. Their bodies just fit together like two puzzle pieces finally finding each other, and it was overwhelming. Their eyes never left one another’s gaze. Bellamy never thought being with Clarke would be this gentle, or emotional or that he could be capable of feeling so much for someone. But here they were, lost in each other, alone together. 

 

Smiling he focused on the sketches on the ceiling pulling himself from his memory. His eyes trailing to the sky light that had a view of a dull, lifeless Earth with the slightest hint of green in one spot on the whole damn planet brought him back to his miserable reality. Although he was smiling, there were tears in his eyes. Having that bitter sweet moment with her was what they needed at that time. It’s what deep down makes him keep going. He loved her so much, and to be fair he still does. He doesn’t let himself dwell in their moments every day, but her eyes will always be something he allows himself to remember. It would be too sad to allow any more. 

 

Although his pain is miserable, it’s a comfortable misery. It reminds him of what he’s had. What was good in his life and what he uses to fuel his life now. These memories embody the cruel kindness that is his life with Clarke. 

 

His brief life with her. 

 

But she’s gone now and that moment of them together is the reason that he holds on to her now. Because a love that strong and unwavering is infinite. His only choice is to keep her close. Keep that moment in his heart forever. 

 

And the sound of the static flow of electricity powering the station in the background lulled him to sleep, there on the floor, in the sketches of the forest that she drew. 

**Author's Note:**

> I tend to use music to inspire writing. This is the third piece I've written using a particular song as a prompt or inspiration. I tend to get all emotional that way which helps me write. 
> 
> Let me know how I did. 
> 
> Also I used the fact that apparently Bellamy didn't hear Clarke's radio signals at all to help fuel the pure sadness in this.


End file.
